I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
