yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
