Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
