Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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