she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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