So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Dick very happy bro
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
