I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
