Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
