And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
