we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
