Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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