ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
it's like iHOP with fire
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
