This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
