I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
