Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
