Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
