a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
