I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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