I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
