so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
