You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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