I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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