I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
BRING THE BAGELS
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
