people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
