dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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