he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
