Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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