So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
