my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
