I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
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