so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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