Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
if only i could text you this smell
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
