the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
