I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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