last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
