I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
