so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
