So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
