we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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