i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
