need another drink. this is the easiest way
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
