Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I wish I only lived at night.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
