White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
