Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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