i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
