We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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