he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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