Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
