so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
