Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
