There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
