Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
